Daily Show Prep - Thursday May 9, 2019

• FBI's Steele story falls apart
• Republicans rip their own over DJTJ subpoena
• DJTJ unlikely to comply
• NoKo launches new missiles
• U.S. seizes NoKo ship
• Analysis: China overplayed its hand with Trump
• Biden promises Hollywood he'll undo the Trump era
• April was another record month for illegal immigration
• Pentagon says 256 miles of new border wall coming
• Sanctuary city Oakland near broke
• Congress actually contemplating a pay raise
• Crazy: Laura Loomer makes the case for her own banning
• Facebook co-founder calls for government to break it up
• Global warming: Spring snowstorms break 117-year-old record
• Meanwhile, Ireland declares climate emergency
• Juul under fire for deceptive advertising
• Guest: David Horowitz on being accidentally suspended by Twitter twice
• David Horowitz's new book, Dark Agenda

Daily Show Prep - Wednesday May 8, 2019

• Casada lied to Valentine about left-wing conspiracy
• TN Dems call for federal investigation into alleged eavesdropping by Casada CoS
• Did the speaker's office try to frame activist?
• Trump asserts executive privilege while House Dems hold Barr in contempt
• White House: Not one Dem has bothered to read the less-redacted version of Mueller report
• Senate intel committee to subpoena DJTJ
• Pelosi: Jails would be overcrowded if we start arresting Trump officials
• Trump fires back at NY Times over tax story
• Dem candidates unveil more ways to tax the rich
• FBI: 850 open investigations into domestic terrorism
• Trump fixer Cohen says he helped Falwell handle racy photos
• Released sex offender tells hospital he'll rape first woman he sees
• Universities are purging 'offensive' artwork
• Anti-vaxx teen who sued his school for barring him now has chickenpox
• Average person mired in boredom 131 days a year
• Man chooses jail rather than remove 'I eat ass' bumper sticker from his truck

Daily Show Prep - Tuesday May 7, 2019

• Wall Street on edge over Trump's face-off with China
• Anvil Joe takes 32-point lead over BernMe
• Socialists go on the attack
• Mayor Pete: America never was as great as advertised
• Comey's in trouble and he knows it
• White House instructs Dan McGahn not to comply with congressional subpoena
• 57 percent of Dems think Trump's guilty of treason
• CNN contributor claims unborn baby is not human
• Venezuela's dictator danced on TV during military uprising
• Twitter removes account mocking AOC
• Twitter purge continues with suspension of David Horowitz' account
• Global warming: Ravers get hypothermia at techno festival
• NJ politician wants to ban all bags—plastic or paper
• Singer apologizes for 'worst national anthem rendition ever'
• Auschwitz condemns mini-skirts with concentration photos on them

Daily Show Prep - Monday May 6, 2019

• TN Speaker Casada's chief of staff admits to racist texts
• The plot thickens: Casada's chief of staff sent sexually explicit messages, Casada participated in some
• Casada's chief of staff—at $200,000 a year—makes more than Kellyanne Conway or Sarah Sanders
• Treasury denies Dems' request for Trump's tax returns
• Aircraft carrier sent to Middle East after indications Iran planned to attack U.S. interests
• Israel passed along intelligence to White House about possible Iranian plot
• Gallup: Trump's approval rating ticks up to new high
• DOJ negotiates with Nadler over more un-redacted Mueller report
• Strzok suspected CIA was behind inaccurate media leaks
• Illegal paid $130 to 'rent' boy to cross border as family
• Mayor Pete wants to debate Trump on gay marriage, even though Trump is for gay marriage
• Woman marries herself
• More TN teachers stage 'sick-out'
• Uber and Lyft drivers to strike in NY
• Hilarious! Bezos' newspaper busts Amazon for spying on you
• Starbucks cup spotted in Game of Thrones scene
• Woman shows up at CIA wanting to see 'Agent Penis'

Daily Show Prep - Friday May 3, 2019

• Jobs surge, unemployment drops further, wages up
• Hispanic unemployment hits a new record low
• Unemployment rate for women best since 1953
• Trump hits new high in economic approval
• Meanwhile over at communism's house: NoKo cuts food rations to record low
• Trump talks to Putin about Mueller report
• Sen. Graham gives Mueller the chance to correct Barr's testimony
• Biden brags about his time in 'the hood'
• CNN poll: Beto beats Trump by 10 points
• Journalism institute tries to blacklist conservative news outlets
• Christian persecution at near record levels
• Alabama rep. says DJTJ's mother should've aborted him
• Needle drop box installed in front of school
• Mohammed number one name for baby boys in Berlin
• Couple caught having sex in front of police station
• Diet drinks don't translate to low-calorie lifestyle

Daily Show Prep - Thursday May 2, 2019

• FBI set up Papadopoulos in London
• San Fran Nan accuses Barr of lying to Congress
• Idiot Steve Cohen eats chicken in hearing to mock Barr
• Facebook purges 'dangerous' websites from its platform
• Racists texts surface from TN Speaker Casada's chief of staff
• Casada responds
• Students demand removal of Thomas Jefferson statue
• High school may erase mural of Washington, says it 'traumatizes students'
• FDA: Sleeping pills may be putting your life in danger
• Buzz Aldrin: Time to plot migration to Mars
• Church of Scientology cruise ship quarantined after case of measles
• Lunch lady accused of shooting students with BB gun
• Man busted after Geek Squad finds kiddie porn on computer

Daily Show Prep - Wednesday May 1, 2019

• Mueller Report: Special counsel did not inspect DNC servers
• Barr dismisses 'snitty' Mueller complaint letter
• BSNBC interrupts Sen. Graham's statement to claim he's lying, which he was not
• Barr will not back off using the term 'spying' by FBI
• Private sector jobs surge in April
• NY Times editorial board blames Trump for publishing antisemitic cartoon
• Border Patrol releasing thousands who were exposed to disease
• Finally! DHS to start DNA testing to prove family connections
• TN school voucher bill headed to guv for signature
• Prosecutors investigating more parents in college admission scandal
• CNN rating plummet in April
• Alec Baldwin let's slip 'flyover country' to describe the little people not living in LA and NYC
• Assange gets 50 weeks in jail for bail breach
• Maine bans Styrofoam cups
• Study: Eating more rice could protect you from obesity
• Obesity overtaking smoking as leading cause of cancer
• Denver might give homeless the right to camp anywhere they like
• Transgender female—who is biologically a male—shatters women's weightlifting records
• Black professor says 'whiteness is terrorism'
• Florida teens lost at sea pray for rescue, get picked up by 'The Amen'
• Crazy 'doggy' rams bartender with car after being told he can't bring dog into bar
• Guest: Bill Pascoe from Tea Party Patriots on the Barr testimony, Trump's 2020 re-election campaign, 2020 Dem wannabes, and Anvil Joe