Daily Show Prep - Wednesday July 31, 2019

• Moderate unknowns warn front-runners they're giving election to Trump
• Marianne Williamson most searched candidate last night
• Says violent video games make the world hate America
• Smudge on Mayor Pete's head was smushed bug
• Pete scolds GOP over $15 minimum wage but pays his workers below $15
• Hollywood mocks the debate
• Sen. Sherrod Brown wants candidates to talk about 'the dignity of work'
• Post-debate NBC poll throws cold water on Dem agenda
• AOC says marginalized communities 'have no choice but to riot'
• 'Squad' member Pressley wants Mark Meadows to do something about a billboard
• Muslim Advocates says billboard encourages violence against the Squad
• Illegals buy babies in Guatemala for $80 to get priority release in U.S.
• Illegal alien given temporary amnesty arrested for molesting minor
• Fed cuts interest rates by a quarter percent
• Is Trump the reason?
• Mario Lopez walks back comments on transgenders
• Cruz calls for investigation of Antifa, Portland mayor
• Elites flock to Google summit in private jets to talk climate change
• U.S. has intel that OBL's son is dead
• NYPD doused with water...again
• Snopes keeps fact-checking satire site like it's legit news
• Half of singles consider it cheating to have sex with a robot
• Reds/Pirates games gets nasty in all-out brawl
• Bigfoot sighting. Shots fire. 'Nuff said.

Daily Show Prep - Tuesday July 30, 2019

• ISIS warns of terror strikes in the West
• Yahoo claims there's a housing affordability crisis
• Trump says he's the 'least racist person anywhere in the world'
• Ca. guv signs bill requiring disclosure of tax returns to be on ballot
• Beto invites 3 black men who knelt for anthem to Dem debate
• Dem candidate Marianne Williamson leads prayer for whites to apologize to blacks
• Then claims, 'I'm not a wacky new-age nut'
• Trump impersonating Obama with across-the-board spending increases
• Congressmen introduce resolution condemning Antifa
• Two shot dead at TN Walmart
• Bill would ban autoplay videos and endless scrolling
• EPA kills Obama's Alaska mine veto
• FBI nabs Capital One hacker
• Eye roll: Prince Harry and Meghan will only have to children to help save the planet
• Meanwhile, MN temps break 121-year-old record low
• Artist installs seesaws at border so American kids can play with Mexican kids
• Russia blamed for radioactive cloud over Europe
• Fox News most-watched cable network for 37th straight month
• Jury: Katy Perry's 'Dark Horse' copied Christian rapper
• Former man becomes lightning rod in female weightlifting world
• Woman wanted for urinating on potatoes at Walmart

Daily Show Prep - Monday July 29, 2019

• Trump's rebuttal to Elijah Cummings called 'racist'
• CNN anchor pretends to choke up over Trump's tweets
• NBC decries Trump criticizing Sharpton
• BernMe piles on
• Flashback: BernMe calls Baltimore a third world country
• Baltimore school board votes unanimously against allowing cops to carry guns in school
• Trump to meet with inner city pastors
• Poll: 11 percent believe Trump will be impeached
• Dems say Trump's asylum deal with Guatemala is illegal
• Many Central Americans giving up on asylum, going home
• AG Barr reverses ruling on asylum
• Ted Cruz accosted at LAX with chants of 'Free the children'
• Fed set to cut interest rates
• 4 dead, including shooter, at Ca. Garlic Festival
• Chicago weekend: 9 killed, 39 wounded
• TN attorneys call for suspension of law license of DA who doesn't support gay marriage
• Congressman calls for penalizing Congress for not tacking spending problem
• Why are Dem candidates fighting for $5 donations?
• DCCC exec resigns amid complaints that she's not diverse enough
• Ilhan Omar retweets Tom Arnold's tweet celebrating brutal assault on Rand Paul
• TSA finds missile launcher in checked bag
• 'Experts' blame death of 200 reindeer on 'climate change' yet animals starved because of too much ice
• Critics blast Tarantino's 'Hollywood' as sexist
• Study: Junk TV making people dumber
• Rural NV town overwhelmed by 'Storm Area 51' turnout
• Apple contractors regularly hear people having sex on Siri
• Study: 28 percent of delivery drivers have eaten your food
• Man hits Parks Department horse in face but can't be charged
• Sony introduces air-conditioned shirt

Daily Show Prep - Friday July 26, 2019

• SCOTUS greenlights military funding for border wall
• Guatemala signs deal to restrict asylum-seekers
• GOP leader goes off on Dems for ignoring border crisis
• GDP growth slows to 2.1 percent
• Carbon tax shows new signs of life in Congress
• Dems are trying to pass payroll tax increase
• Trump says Apple products won't get tariff waiver
• Ilhan Omar splits with husband again
• Bronx man arrested for trying to join the Taliban
• White professor sues black university for racial discrimination
• Cory Booker wants to give nearly 50 grand to every baby born
• Tulsi Gabbard's lawsuit says Google has 'almost total control' over key elements of elections
• Australia could reveal Google, Facebook algorithm secrets
• FBI agent probing Clinton Foundation dead from 'suicide'
• Study: Transgenders more conservative than straight men
• Tour de France delayed because of snow storm
• San Fran trying to stop transit elevator urinations
• 6-year-old YouTuber buys $8 million property
• Waiter admits he secretly served virgin drinks to pregnant woman
• 'City-killer' asteroid whizzes by Earth, catches scientists by surprise
• The Creepy Line documentary
• Phil's boat

Daily Show Prep - Thursday July 25, 2019

• House passes debt ceiling and budget deal
• House Republican balk on budget-busting budget
• Rand Paul introduces bill to stop wasteful duplication
• Mueller show was a ratings bust
• 16 Marines arrested for human, drug smuggling
• Record 61,000 illegal children stream over border
• Omar says white men are more dangerous than Islamic terrorists
• CNN photo editor posted anti-Semitic tweets
• Bette Midler tweets stereotypical post about blacks to zing Trump
• Record high in Paris
• Record lows in parts of Southern U.S.
• Youth thugs attack two tourists in DC
• Former BernMe staffer sues alleging retaliation for union activity
• Newspaper circulation lowest since 1940
• Longtime Nashville reporter, Larry Brinton, dead at 88
• Jeffrey Epstein found injured in jail after possible suicide attempt
• Boris Johnson promises to make Britain great again
• Confederate Railroad has second gig cancelled
• Stem cells to make baldness obsolete
• Turning Point aide fired over fake presidential seal during Trump visit
• Former assistant to Mother Teresa killed in bar brawl
• Accused wife-killer says powerful group infected him with mayo
• Woman has pressure cooker lid removed from skull

Daily Show Prep - Wednesday July 24, 2019

• Mueller appears dazed and confused
• Issues clarification about obstruction of justice
• Day of disappointments for Dems
• Jim Jordan knocks it over the fence
• Who is Joseph Misfud?
• Libs regret the Mueller hearing
• Report: DOJ IG will reveal Comey conspired to build a case against Trump
• NoKo launches projectile
• Federal judge rules in favor of Trump on asylum requirement
• Then Ca. judge blocks it
• Sr. Google engineer goes public: Are we going to let tech companies decide elections?
• Apple wants tariff exemption on parts made in China
• Chinese member of Mar-a-Lago accused of being a spy
• China moves closer to military force to claim Taiwan
• Illegals taunt border agents: 'Shoot! Shoot!'
• Cuba's socialized healthcare system is running out of medicine
• Poll: Immigration hits record high of concern
• Kids at party smash piñata shaped like ICE agent
• Earth's rotation is slowing
• Bernie Madoff asks Trump to reduce his sentence
• Morning Ho asks forgiveness from Jesus for ever being a Republican
• NFL's Adrian Peterson earned $99 million, now deep in debt
• Dem lawmaker walks back claim that white man told her to 'go back where you came from'
• Parody: Dyslexic man storms Area 15, no charges filed

Daily Show Prep - Tuesday July 23, 2019

• Details of the horrible budget deal
• ICE raids net only 35 arrests
• Trump sues to block public release of his tax returns
• Justice Dept. warns Mueller to stay on script
• Boris Johnson wins PM race in landslide
• Promises Brexit by Halloween
• Senate approves 9/11 Victims Compensation bill
• Military preparing for EMP attack
• Diplomat victims of mystery attacks in Cuba have differences in brains
• Russia-China air patrol draws fire from SoKo
• CNN contributor: Confronting Trump's base is 'confronting white nationalism'
• Cory Booger wants to punch Trump
• Mixed signals for people taking an aspirin a day for heart health
• Nudists say 'perverts in bushes' are ruining nude zones in Paris parks
• Spicy diet linked to dementia
• Crying may be good for your health
• Man rides e-scooter on Dallas interstate
• Straight Pride parade permit submitted to Ca. town
• Man dies during live stream eating poisonous centipedes

Daily Show Prep - Monday July 22, 2019

• Iran claims to have 17 CIA spies, Trump says they're lying
• ISIS militants return to Iraq
• Budget deal likely to contain no cuts but raise debt limit for two years
• Video surfaces of Rashida Tlaib going nuts at Trump rally in 2016
• Tlaib says she's not going anywhere until she impeaches this president
• Nadler makes bold predictions about upcoming Mueller testimony
• African surge continues at border
• Mexico says no to third-country asylum deal
• Davidson County Sheriff's department tap-dances around ICE raid
• Former Miss Michigan defends tweets that cost her the title
• Antarctica was warmer 1,000 years ago
• Federal lawsuit says State Senator Dickerson defrauded Medicare/Medicaid
• Taylor Swift fans go after Kamala for attending event at celebrity manager's house
• Posting a negative review online can get you sued
• Salon forced to close for not providing wax for crossdresser's genitalia
• 'Top Gun: Maverick' trailer sparks controversy over missing Taiwanese flag patch
• New Baltimore deputy police commissioner gets mugged at gunpoint
• Man who killed mob boss believed in QAnon, thought he had Trump's blessing
• 4 out of 10 adults regret life choices
• Man tosses message in bottle in Lake Michigan in 1995, man finds it on FL Gulf Coast
• Social media go nuts over Tom Brady cliff-jumping with daughter
• Social media troll Ivanka over white dog
• Golfer credits Trump's advice for winning PGA event
• Phil's weekend movie watching: Stranger Than Fiction, Apollo 13, and The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
• See Uncle Phil on Over-Caffeinated

Daily Show Prep - Thursday July 18, 2019

• Video: Liberal professor testifies that Google, Facebook manipulated as many as 10.6 million votes in favor of Hillary in 2016
• U.S. Navy shoots down Iranian drone
• Ted Cruz renews call to use El Chapo's drug money to build the wall
• House chaplain prays to 'cast out all spirits of darkness' on House floor
• Trump repudiates chants of 'send her back' at rally
• The View's Behar says Trump should be charged with hate speech
• White congressman says he's not offended by Trump's tweets because he's 'a person of color'
• Netflix stalls
• Says the 'Straight Pride' parade is about hate, not pride
• Business group slams House for passing $15 minimum wage bill
• Judge denies Epstein bail
• Part of eyeball removed in attempt to cure seasonal depression
• Berkeley bans 'gendered' language
• Instagram gets rid of 'like' count
• Oil recovered from WWII shipwreck
• Man was watching porn moments before deadly crash
• Study: Dropping F-bomb increases pain tolerance by a third
• Meth heads are dying snorting wasp spray
• Festival-goers push over portable toilet with line-jumper inside
• Cow-cuddling is actually a thing

Daily Show Prep - Wednesday July 17, 2019

• Dems kill impeachment measure against Trump
• House holds Barr, Ross in contempt
• GOP support for Trump rises after tweets
• Meghan McCain suggests George Conway needs to control his wife
• House to vote on impeachment resolution over Trump's tweets
• Republican immigrant from Jamaica to challenge AOC
• Omar introduces resolution to support boycott against Israel
• GOP senator calls 'The Squad' the 'four horsewomen of the Apocalypse'
• Says the Squad is the reason there are instructions on a shampoo bottle
• CNN pushes 'racist' narrative with GOP women focus group
• Dem congressman introduces measure to ban term 'illegal alien'
• Actor Chris Pratt accused of wearing 'white supremacist' Gadsden flag t-shirt
• Tensions mount in Gulf between UK and Iran
• Mexican soldiers made 'incursion' onto American soil, got in scuffle with Border Patrol
• Poll: Majority of Mexicans support deportation of Central American migrants
• TN immigrant advocacy group questions arrest of illegals
• Rand Paul blocks 9/11 Victims bill because Congress refuses to offset the spending
• Bezos: I spent my billions on space because we're destroying the earth
• Prince Charles warns we have 18 months to save humanity from climate change
• Climate anxiety is destroying people's mental health
• Prosecutors drop groping charges against Kevin Spacey
• Second MS gubernatorial candidate says he wouldn't be alone with a woman
• Tech giants on defensive at antitrust hearing
• Elon Musk wants to hook brains directly up to computers
• Another teen mob in Philly, this time attacks a man
• El Chapo says 'there's no justice in America' after being told he'll die in prison
• Man tied up wife's lover, cut off his penis
• Florida city blasting music into parks to keep bums from sleeping there
• PETA wants people to kill iguanas in 'the kindest manner possible'
• Man stole 18 cars in 24 hours
• Fake Ferrari factory raided
• Clothing rental on the rise
• Baseball coach ejected for fight over robot ump 

Daily Show Prep - Tuesday July 16, 2019

• House votes to condemn Trump's 'racist' tweets
• House votes to allow Pelosi's remarks calling the tweets 'racist' to stay in the record
• Kellyanne asks reporter, "What's your ethnicity?"
• Then she clarifies for the dense news media
• Former CNN commentator says news outlets are Zionist organizations
• Omar laughs after reporter asks her to condemn Antifa attack
• National Review: The Dems are in disarray
• Trump to take a look into Peter Thiel's claim that Google is working with China
• Anvil Joe challenges Trump to push-up contest
• BernMe begins slow flame-out
• Beto bottoms out
• Warren surges past Kamala in Ca.
• Senators knock $5 billion Facebook fine as 'woefully inadequate'
• Game of Thrones garners record number of Emmy nominations
• YouTube star killed on scooter
• Social media use tied to depression
• Columbian drug smuggler had stash under toupee
• 'Bagel Guy' signs deal to fight other viral stars

Daily Show Prep - Monday July 15, 2019

• Trump administration moves to end asylum for Central American migrants
• Trump's tweets about America-hating congresswomen called 'racist'
• Twitter exec calls for 'jail' and 'impeachment' for Trump
• Nearly one-fifth of adult Twitter users follow Trump
• AOC feuds with Lindsey Graham
• Clashes with former ICE chief
• The 'Squad' revolts: Ayanna Pressley says no more 'black faces that don't want to be a black voice'
• Flashback: New documents revisit questions about Omar's sham marriage
• Internal Dem poll: Dislike for Fraud Squad could tip House to GOP
• Pelosi plans censure vote over tweets
• Trump accuses Pelosi of racism for 'Make America White Again' comment
• Media ignore point that attacker of ICE facility was Antifa
• Kellyanne Conway defies House subpoena, skips hearing
• Kamala Harris holds fundraiser with Epstein's law firm on same day she condemns them
• Amazon's 'Prime Day' targeted by warehouse walkout
• Beto says his ancestors owned slaves
• Man convicted in Charlottesville murder sentenced to life plus 419 years
• TN police warn of 'meth-gators'
• Coral bleaching may be caused by fertilizer run-off
• TN guv says he'll be working to eliminate Nathan Bedford Forrest Day
• Twist in new Bond movie: 007 starts out as a black woman
• Guest: Eddie Scarry from the Washington Examiner on 'The Squad' and the mess at the border

Daily Show Prep - Friday July 12, 2019

• Federal court rules in favor of Trump on sanctuary cities
• Trump administration asks SCOTUS to allow military money to build the wall
• Major cities in 'state of alarm' as ICE raids loom
• Chicago bans ICE from police database
• AOC says human flood at at border is manufactured crisis because we shouldn't be stoping them
• Some doctors at detention centers have abruptly walked off the job
• Stocks close the week at new record high
• Labor Secretary Acosta resigns
• Federal spending smashes records
• R. Kelly arrested on sex trafficking charges
• CNN analyst taunts conservatives at White House
• Nightly news skips record Dow story
• Gov. Lee signs proclamation for Nathan Bedford Forrest Day
• Trump trashes Paul RINO
• AOC's chief of staff let's the truth out of the bag on Green New Deal
• NYPD investigating vandalism of Megan Rapinoe posters as possible hate crime
• Trump endorses Bill Hagerty for U.S. Senate in TN
• Miley Cyrus won't have children because of climate change
• San Fran wealthy claim homeless bad for the environment
• Facebook to be slapped with $5 billion fine for privacy violations
• New study finds no evidence of manmade global warming
• Dad says he'll kill UK's worst female pedophile when she's released from jail
• Study: Views of greenery help reduce harmful cravings
• Girl lick tongue depressor at doctor's office then puts it back in jar
• Couple receives backlash for MAGA-themed wedding
• Dairy Queen employee fired after mistaking 'Moana' for 'marijuana' on birthday cake

Daily Show Prep - Thursday July 11, 2019

• Dow hits 27,000 for first time ever
• Trump will obtain citizenship information by means other than census
• In the meantime, ICE raids are coming this Sunday
• Fed chairman warns of 'unthinkable' harm if debt ceiling isn't raised
• AOC vs. Pelosi: Accuses speaker of 'singling out newly elected women of color'
• Migrants from India crossing TX border
• 300,000 illegal kids expected to flood schools
• Elizabeth Warren wants to decriminalize illegal immigration
• Google admits to listening to some smart speaker recordings
• Women's soccer players's agent says it's time for equal pay
• Weinstein's legal team falls apart again
• McConnell challenger flip-flops on Kavanaugh within a couple of hours
• Another flash mob in Philly
• Acceptance of gay sex in UK declines
• Woman slashes boyfriend because he was too tired for sex
• Bentley's car of the future is self-chauffeured
• Guest: Steve Bucci from the Heritage Foundation on a potential U.S./China trade deal

Daily Show Prep - Wednesday July 10, 2019

• Iran threatens to sink U.S. warships
• House uses Obama-era photos to promote 'Kids in Cages' hearing
• Senators grow nervous over raising debt ceiling
• Republicans introduce Justice for Victims of Sanctuary Cities Act
• Trump beats Dem AGs in court over Emoluments Clause
• AOC: Pelosi saddling me with work to keep me out of spotlight
• AOC sued for blocking people on Twitter
• AOC suggests getting rid of Homeland Security department altogether
• UCLA professor found guilty of stealing state secrets for China
• Flight manifests reveal Clinton was on 6 trips with Epstein, not 4 as he claimed
• Schumer will donate campaign contributions from Epstein to charity
• Pelosi's daughter spreads fake Acosta quote on Epstein case
• BSNBC tries to create Epstein tie with Bill Barr
• British ambassador to U.S. quits
• S&P 500 sets new record high
• BET founder praises Trump, scolds Dems
• Ilhan Omar calls for advertiser boycott against Tucker Carlson
• TX doctor nearly kicked of AA flight for 'inappropriate' attire
• Bill de Blasio was national law mandating equal pay in all professional sports
• Former de Blasio employee sentenced to prison for child porn
• DC mayor claims Trump's July 4th parade depleted city's anti-terror fund
• Netflix losing two popular shows as competitors launch streaming services
• Beto claims U.S. was founded on white supremacy
• Government analyst resigns over blocked climate change testimony
• Man swept over Niagara Falls, survives
• 84-year-old woman busted in husband's 1984 murder
• Police: Mom had kids ride in inflatable pool on top of car to keep it from flying away
• Little man goes nuts in bagel shop about women making fun of short people

Daily Show Prep - Tuesday July 9, 2019

• Iran threatens to enrich uranium to 20 percent purity
• Two Marines arrested for smuggling illegals
• If you flew 'Lolita Express' feds want to talk to you
• Ross Perot dead at 89
• Trump calls 'wacky' UK ambassador 'a very stupid guy'
• Joe Manchin wants to block funding for 2026 World Cup until women get equal pay
• Isikoff claims Russians are behind Seth Rich theory
• Principal removed after failing to acknowledge Holocaust was real
• Streaming wars in Sun Valley
• Flash mob of 60 teens loots Philly Walgreens
• Study: Psychiatric diagnoses are meaningless
• Thousands of alien hunters to storm Area 51
• The VW Beetle comes to an end
• 17-year-old Scottish student kicked out of school for saying there are only two genders
• France announces 'eco-tax' on all flights leaving the country

Daily Show Prep - Monday July 8, 2019

• Women soccer players want 'equal pay'
• The women get a bigger percentage than the men
• Feds lock up Jeffrey Epstein again
• Is this an attempt to get Trump?
• Bill Clinton issues statement on Epstein's sex trips: I 'knows nothing' about it
• AG Barr says Trump can legally add citizenship question to census
• Pelosi says Trump wants to 'make America white again'
• Trump to invite press to tour detention centers
• Bait and tackle shop owner praises Trump on environment
• Failure of predictions of climate alarmists hasn't stopped them
• Trump won't deal with UK ambassador who slammed him
• CBO: $15 minimum wage would eliminate 1.3 million jobs
• Writer gives old friend ultimatum: MAGA hat or me
• AOC and Pelosi exchange barbs
• Ilhan Omar lied about story told to 400 high school students
• Dems call for investigation into Trump's Fourth of July celebration
• PC Police: Confederate Railroad removed from fair lineup because of their name

Daily Show Prep - Wednesday July 3, 2019

• Snowflake Alert! Military tells DC residents 'don't panic' at seeing tanks on streets
• BSNBC won't air July 4th parade
• Neither will ABC, CBS, and NBC
• Code Pink's 'Baby Trump' balloon banned for parade
• Stocks roar to record highs
• Federal judge blocks Trump's policy of keeping asylum-seekers detained
• Obama's DHS chief says Dems are pushing for open borders and that's 'unworkable, unwise'
• Rouhani: Iran will enrich uranium to 'any amount we want'
• Anvil Joe's support among blacks cut in half after debate
• Biden, Harris in virtual tie
• A list of slaves owned by Kamala Harris's ancestor
• Trump says he's moving forward with citizenship question on census
• Ca. town declares itself a gun sanctuary
• Charlottesville drops Jefferson's birthday as holiday
• CNN continues death spiral
• Miley Cyrus goes on F-word laced climate change rant at concert
• Ex-Google exec ran sex ring, wife says
• Man wakes up at own funeral
• PBR coffee?
• Iacocca dead at 94

Daily Show Prep - Tuesday July 2, 2019

• Jury finds Navy SEAL Eddie Gallagher not guilty
• AOC claims illegals forced to drink toilet water, CBP denies
• She screamed threateningly at Border Patrol agents
• Then got busted by the truth
• ProPublica claims there's a secret Border Patrol Facebook page
• Head of Border Patrol addresses the Facebook issue
• 35,000 more Africans on the way to U.S. via Mexico
• 40 percent of Americans support free healthcare for illegals
• Salvadoran president takes ownership for death of migrant father/daughter drowned in Rio Grande
• Antifa members repeatedly attack journalists who cover them
• Portland mug shots show Antifa mainly privileged white guys
• Southern California is losing the battle against smog
• Nike pulls American flag sneakers after Kaepernick complains
• AZ guv pulls Nike's financial incentive
• Only 22 percent of Dems are 'extremely proud' to be Americans
• VP Pence abruptly cancels event in New Hampshire
• One-third of Americans think news media are the enemy of the people
• Crazy Frederica demands prosecution of people who mock Congress online
• Straight Pride Parade organizers get suspicious package prompting bomb squad
• Scientists look to create human-monkey hybrid
• Humans pick partners with similar smells
• Study: 'Secondhand drinking' hurts 53 million Americans
• Man accused of feeding meth to squirrel
• Man arrested for pelting girlfriend with McDonald's condiments
• Man takes scissor lift for joy ride in downtown Nashville
• Man dies in 'absolute agony' after eating gecko on a dare
• Woman who recorded man masturbating on train could face harsher penalty

Daily Show Prep - Monday July 1, 2019

• Trump becomes first sitting president to visit NoKo
• Press sec roughed up by NoKo officials
• Stocks soar
• Ted Cruz calls for legal action against Portland mayor for allowing Antifa to attack conservative journalist
• Trump dismisses Carter's outrageous accusation that Russians got him elected
• What you need to know about the new cellphone law in TN
• Critics slam DJTJ for just asking if tweet about Kamala Harris is true
• Flashback: Kamala's father says their ancestors owned slaves
• More on Kamala Harris and her slaves ancestors
• Russia proposes prisoner swap with U.S.
• Ex-Fox News reporter Carl Cameron takes on climate skeptics with new liberal version of Drudge Report
• Marchers protest New York's 'commercialized' Pride parade
• Can we now choose the sex of our babies?
• Box office revenue down 10 percent
• Toy Story 4 dominates