Daily Show Prep - Monday September 12, 2016

• It's finally official: Hillary is not well
• Now it's real
• Why did campaign lie?
• Surrogate blames Illary being a 'stoic Methodist' for not telling public
• Hillary played with grandkids after being diagnosed with pneumonia
• Body double conspiracy theories abound
• Report: Emergency DNC meeting to replace Hillary
• Here's how replacement for Hillary would be chosen
• Chuckie Schumer had pneumonia too, just revealed it
• Hillary, Trump to release medical reports
• UPI: Trump up by 3
• Hillary regrets 'basket of deplorables' remark
• FBI Director Comey refuses to testify before Congress on Hillary e-mails
• Former CIA Director Woolsey joins Trump campaign
• Trump wants to debate Hillary without a moderator
• Dramatic new details emerge about San Bernardino attack
• Obama exceeds Syrian refugee target by 15%
• Mother and son arrested for incest in North Carolina
• Protestor crashes Colin Powell's CBS interview
• Wow! We're 0.16 degrees warmer than the record, according to faulty surface temps
• Bum masturbates outside NY Wi-Fi kiosk
• House from 'The Godfather' horse head scene on market for $195 million
• Fertility doctor arrested for using his own sperm to impregnate women
• Expert of the Day: Energy expert Terry Jarrett on why coal will matter in the November election

Daily Show Prep - Friday September 9, 2016

• Soros pushing online voting
• Hillary claims she was bullied before taking law exam
• Conway: No one told Trump that Larry King interview was broadcast in Russia
• Ed Schultz defends Trump's appearance on RT America
• Jill Stein defends her vandalism: 'It's for the climate'
• Israeli military expects ISIS attack on its southern border within 6 months
• NoKos conduct fifth nuke test
• Parasite named after Obama
• Illegal alien serial rapist deported five times
• Dem bill would force schools to track bullying, report to feds
• Man suspended from Social Security Administration for refusing to watch GBLT indoctrination film
• Penn State libs denounce high ticket price to see Chelsea
• Big surprise: Greece bailout falters
• Texas high school covers Ten Commandments after one complaint
• Mattress store takes heat for tasteless Twin Towers sale TV ad
• Burning Man attendees find real life a difficult adjustment
• Study: Cell phones destroy sperm
• And, ironically, iPhone 7 slogan in Hong Kong translates to 'This is penis'
• Racist robots? Beauty contest judged by AI, didn't like dark skin
• Man steals money from bra of wheelchair-bound 93-year-old
• The Trump song heard on The Phil Valentine Show
• Guest: Alberto Gonzales on his new book, True Faith and Allegiance
• Expert of the Day: Wayne Allyn Root on his new book, Angry White Male, and how Trump can win in November

Daily Show Prep - Thursday September 8, 2016

• Here's a twist: Matt Lauer accused of going after Hillary and going easy on Trump
• Was Hillary cheating with ear piece?
• Clinton camp denies it
• New poll shows swing states tightening
• U of Iowa to create social justice degree
• Is anyone outside of Morning Joe really concerned Gary Johnson had never heard of Aleppo?
• Election commission member warns Dems are out for conservative media
• Illegals make up sex assault stories to stay in country longer
• Protestors delay spraying for Zika in Miami
• Mother, daughter arrested in OK for marrying each other
• Walmart takes down Coke 9/11 display after complaints
• Man killed in 'autopilot' Tesla
• 'Crackas with Attitude' hackers caught
• EPA caught running 'illegal' experiments on humans
• Naked, drunk man arrested singing 'Cops' theme
• Male Vogue intern says he was fired for wearing high heels
• Mysterious clown sightings are crippling the clown business
• Woman sets fire to blankets on JetBlue flight
• Expert of the Day: Katie Yoder from MRC on where the safe spaces are for ISIS victims

Daily Show Prep - Wednesday September 7, 2016

• Trump leads Hillary by 19 with military
• Wikileaks may start releasing Hillary e-mail teasers next week
• New e-mails show Hillary planted questions at Benghazi hearing
• Green Party presidential candidate arrested for vandalism
• Woman tries, and fails, to steal Trump yard signs
• Iran ransom payment was four times amount originally disclosed
• New ISIS military commander was trained by State Department
• Report: Feds doling out green cards to illegal 'brides'
• Claim: Putin car wreck was assassination attempt
• Obama nominates first Muslim judge to federal court
• Indians protest pipeline running across sacred land
• Bakery refuses to make 'Trump 2016' birthday cake
• Yoga teacher on trail for allegedly allowing boys to fondle her at bar mitzvah
• Uh, no: Dos Equis unveils the new Most Interesting Man in the World
• Expert of the Day: David Bozell from ForAmerica.org on why a lame duck congressional session is a bad idea

Daily Show Prep - Tuesday September 6, 2016

• Another Hillary coughing fit, this one lasting over 4 minutes
• Clinton campaign shames NBC reporter for covering the cough
• NY AG ignores law requiring foreign donor disclosure to Clinton Foundation
• Congress focuses on Hillary's network server company that deleted e-mails after subpoena
• CNN poll: Trump by 2
• Trump now under fire for saying Hillary doesn't have the 'presidential look'
• ISIS issues new call for attack on West, all non-believers fair game
• Greta leaves Fox News under 'key-man clause'
• Fox News settles with Gretchen Carlson for $20 million
• Dems block Zika funding again
• GOP bill blocks cash payments after Iran ransom was paid
• Illegals tell border agents 'Obama said it was OK to come'
• Phyllis Schlafly dead at 92
• Cancer breakthrough can detect cancer in a blood test before symptoms
• Cal State LA offers 'safe space' housing for black students
• College advisors prohibit Harambe jokes, claim they're racist
• Chicago logs 500th homicide this year!
• EpiPen maker being investigated for breaking antitrust laws
• Dirt people trend: Living in a tiny house
• Jilted woman torches the wrong car
• Man breaks into house, paints dog purple
• Woman goes nuts on subway because she's fat
• Mutant pig born with human face and penis on its head
• Expert of the Day: NY Times bestseller Brad Meltzer on his latest book, The House of Secrets, and his new kids book, I Am George Washington

Daily Show Prep - Friday September 2, 2016

• FBI releases Hillary e-mail report
• Hillary lost cell phones with classified e-mails on them
• Says she didn't receive training on classified info despite signing an agreement that she did
• Thought 'C' was for alphabetical paragraphs
• Got porn link from a 'colleague' and opened it, turned out to be malware
• Colin Powell warned Hillary not to use a Blackberry
• Ten takeaways from the FBI report
• Hillary and Trump and neck-and-neck
• Odd CNN encounter with Trump's doctor
• Eric Trump asks how the Clintons got so wealthy running a charity
• Ann Coulter says Trump did not mock disabled reporter
• Kaepernick kneels instead of stand
• 'War on Cops' author says Kaepernick needs to get his facts straight
• Another teammate joins him
• EpiPen maker's woes continue
• Idiot changes profile picture to wanted poster, and he was
• Man arrested for shooting corncobs at neighbor's house
• Expert of the Day: Philip Terzian, literary editor at the Weekly Standard, on Trump's Reaganesque meeting with the Mexican president

Daily Show Prep - Thursday September 1, 2016

• Rasmussen: Trump up by 1
• USA Today poll: Hillary up by 7
• More criticism for Mexico's president after Trump visit
• Liberals come unhinged over Trump illegal immigration speech
• Byron York: Mexico gamble huge win for Trump
• Kaepernick to sit out anthem on military night
• Left planting fake stories to fool conservatives
• Illegal? Georgetown to give slave descendents priority admission
• Rutgers: To avoid microaggressions, only speak when necessary
• Iran propaganda video sinks American fleet with tidal wave
• Obama to give $40 million to Pacific islands over climate threat
• Pope says we must atone for the 'sin' of global warming by carpooling
• Whoops. Facebook satellite blows up on launch pad
• Dirt bikers shut down Times Square