Daily Show Prep - Wednesday July 31, 2019

• Moderate unknowns warn front-runners they're giving election to Trump
• Marianne Williamson most searched candidate last night
• Says violent video games make the world hate America
• Smudge on Mayor Pete's head was smushed bug
• Pete scolds GOP over $15 minimum wage but pays his workers below $15
• Hollywood mocks the debate
• Sen. Sherrod Brown wants candidates to talk about 'the dignity of work'
• Post-debate NBC poll throws cold water on Dem agenda
• AOC says marginalized communities 'have no choice but to riot'
• 'Squad' member Pressley wants Mark Meadows to do something about a billboard
• Muslim Advocates says billboard encourages violence against the Squad
• Illegals buy babies in Guatemala for $80 to get priority release in U.S.
• Illegal alien given temporary amnesty arrested for molesting minor
• Fed cuts interest rates by a quarter percent
• Is Trump the reason?
• Mario Lopez walks back comments on transgenders
• Cruz calls for investigation of Antifa, Portland mayor
• Elites flock to Google summit in private jets to talk climate change
• U.S. has intel that OBL's son is dead
• NYPD doused with water...again
• Snopes keeps fact-checking satire site like it's legit news
• Half of singles consider it cheating to have sex with a robot
• Reds/Pirates games gets nasty in all-out brawl
• Bigfoot sighting. Shots fire. 'Nuff said.

Daily Show Prep - Tuesday July 30, 2019

• ISIS warns of terror strikes in the West
• Yahoo claims there's a housing affordability crisis
• Trump says he's the 'least racist person anywhere in the world'
• Ca. guv signs bill requiring disclosure of tax returns to be on ballot
• Beto invites 3 black men who knelt for anthem to Dem debate
• Dem candidate Marianne Williamson leads prayer for whites to apologize to blacks
• Then claims, 'I'm not a wacky new-age nut'
• Trump impersonating Obama with across-the-board spending increases
• Congressmen introduce resolution condemning Antifa
• Two shot dead at TN Walmart
• Bill would ban autoplay videos and endless scrolling
• EPA kills Obama's Alaska mine veto
• FBI nabs Capital One hacker
• Eye roll: Prince Harry and Meghan will only have to children to help save the planet
• Meanwhile, MN temps break 121-year-old record low
• Artist installs seesaws at border so American kids can play with Mexican kids
• Russia blamed for radioactive cloud over Europe
• Fox News most-watched cable network for 37th straight month
• Jury: Katy Perry's 'Dark Horse' copied Christian rapper
• Former man becomes lightning rod in female weightlifting world
• Woman wanted for urinating on potatoes at Walmart

Daily Show Prep - Monday July 29, 2019

• Trump's rebuttal to Elijah Cummings called 'racist'
• CNN anchor pretends to choke up over Trump's tweets
• NBC decries Trump criticizing Sharpton
• BernMe piles on
• Flashback: BernMe calls Baltimore a third world country
• Baltimore school board votes unanimously against allowing cops to carry guns in school
• Trump to meet with inner city pastors
• Poll: 11 percent believe Trump will be impeached
• Dems say Trump's asylum deal with Guatemala is illegal
• Many Central Americans giving up on asylum, going home
• AG Barr reverses ruling on asylum
• Ted Cruz accosted at LAX with chants of 'Free the children'
• Fed set to cut interest rates
• 4 dead, including shooter, at Ca. Garlic Festival
• Chicago weekend: 9 killed, 39 wounded
• TN attorneys call for suspension of law license of DA who doesn't support gay marriage
• Congressman calls for penalizing Congress for not tacking spending problem
• Why are Dem candidates fighting for $5 donations?
• DCCC exec resigns amid complaints that she's not diverse enough
• Ilhan Omar retweets Tom Arnold's tweet celebrating brutal assault on Rand Paul
• TSA finds missile launcher in checked bag
• 'Experts' blame death of 200 reindeer on 'climate change' yet animals starved because of too much ice
• Critics blast Tarantino's 'Hollywood' as sexist
• Study: Junk TV making people dumber
• Rural NV town overwhelmed by 'Storm Area 51' turnout
• Apple contractors regularly hear people having sex on Siri
• Study: 28 percent of delivery drivers have eaten your food
• Man hits Parks Department horse in face but can't be charged
• Sony introduces air-conditioned shirt

Daily Show Prep - Friday July 26, 2019

• SCOTUS greenlights military funding for border wall
• Guatemala signs deal to restrict asylum-seekers
• GOP leader goes off on Dems for ignoring border crisis
• GDP growth slows to 2.1 percent
• Carbon tax shows new signs of life in Congress
• Dems are trying to pass payroll tax increase
• Trump says Apple products won't get tariff waiver
• Ilhan Omar splits with husband again
• Bronx man arrested for trying to join the Taliban
• White professor sues black university for racial discrimination
• Cory Booker wants to give nearly 50 grand to every baby born
• Tulsi Gabbard's lawsuit says Google has 'almost total control' over key elements of elections
• Australia could reveal Google, Facebook algorithm secrets
• FBI agent probing Clinton Foundation dead from 'suicide'
• Study: Transgenders more conservative than straight men
• Tour de France delayed because of snow storm
• San Fran trying to stop transit elevator urinations
• 6-year-old YouTuber buys $8 million property
• Waiter admits he secretly served virgin drinks to pregnant woman
• 'City-killer' asteroid whizzes by Earth, catches scientists by surprise
• The Creepy Line documentary
• Phil's boat

Daily Show Prep - Thursday July 25, 2019

• House passes debt ceiling and budget deal
• House Republican balk on budget-busting budget
• Rand Paul introduces bill to stop wasteful duplication
• Mueller show was a ratings bust
• 16 Marines arrested for human, drug smuggling
• Record 61,000 illegal children stream over border
• Omar says white men are more dangerous than Islamic terrorists
• CNN photo editor posted anti-Semitic tweets
• Bette Midler tweets stereotypical post about blacks to zing Trump
• Record high in Paris
• Record lows in parts of Southern U.S.
• Youth thugs attack two tourists in DC
• Former BernMe staffer sues alleging retaliation for union activity
• Newspaper circulation lowest since 1940
• Longtime Nashville reporter, Larry Brinton, dead at 88
• Jeffrey Epstein found injured in jail after possible suicide attempt
• Boris Johnson promises to make Britain great again
• Confederate Railroad has second gig cancelled
• Stem cells to make baldness obsolete
• Turning Point aide fired over fake presidential seal during Trump visit
• Former assistant to Mother Teresa killed in bar brawl
• Accused wife-killer says powerful group infected him with mayo
• Woman has pressure cooker lid removed from skull

Daily Show Prep - Wednesday July 24, 2019

• Mueller appears dazed and confused
• Issues clarification about obstruction of justice
• Day of disappointments for Dems
• Jim Jordan knocks it over the fence
• Who is Joseph Misfud?
• Libs regret the Mueller hearing
• Report: DOJ IG will reveal Comey conspired to build a case against Trump
• NoKo launches projectile
• Federal judge rules in favor of Trump on asylum requirement
• Then Ca. judge blocks it
• Sr. Google engineer goes public: Are we going to let tech companies decide elections?
• Apple wants tariff exemption on parts made in China
• Chinese member of Mar-a-Lago accused of being a spy
• China moves closer to military force to claim Taiwan
• Illegals taunt border agents: 'Shoot! Shoot!'
• Cuba's socialized healthcare system is running out of medicine
• Poll: Immigration hits record high of concern
• Kids at party smash piñata shaped like ICE agent
• Earth's rotation is slowing
• Bernie Madoff asks Trump to reduce his sentence
• Morning Ho asks forgiveness from Jesus for ever being a Republican
• NFL's Adrian Peterson earned $99 million, now deep in debt
• Dem lawmaker walks back claim that white man told her to 'go back where you came from'
• Parody: Dyslexic man storms Area 15, no charges filed

Daily Show Prep - Tuesday July 23, 2019

• Details of the horrible budget deal
• ICE raids net only 35 arrests
• Trump sues to block public release of his tax returns
• Justice Dept. warns Mueller to stay on script
• Boris Johnson wins PM race in landslide
• Promises Brexit by Halloween
• Senate approves 9/11 Victims Compensation bill
• Military preparing for EMP attack
• Diplomat victims of mystery attacks in Cuba have differences in brains
• Russia-China air patrol draws fire from SoKo
• CNN contributor: Confronting Trump's base is 'confronting white nationalism'
• Cory Booger wants to punch Trump
• Mixed signals for people taking an aspirin a day for heart health
• Nudists say 'perverts in bushes' are ruining nude zones in Paris parks
• Spicy diet linked to dementia
• Crying may be good for your health
• Man rides e-scooter on Dallas interstate
• Straight Pride parade permit submitted to Ca. town
• Man dies during live stream eating poisonous centipedes